Why are women so … unappreciated and undervalued. In this day and age we can see that gender rights are heading to hopeful evenness … even if it is just a glimpse of hope at least we have got that in our minds. I am very often surrounded by members of this far more beautiful gender, who are quite often far more superior intellectually and morally than the members of my own sex. Yet those women are prepared to be submissive and led by people who could be only described as idiots and morons, who lack ANY intellect and morals. Why are they afraid to raise their view to correct their husband, leader when the latter could be so obviously, ignorantly wrong? And if they did why do men have so little respect for their opinion and point of view. I am writing this as I just had finished a conversation with an old friend of mine. She is in her late 60s and very much disregarded by those who are supposed to look after her physically and spiritually and it is mostly to the fact that she is very outspoken person and… excuse my french… will not take bullshit from anyone…. it is sad really that, again! I am proved that religion is not holding as many values as it is claimed! Elder from her congregation that had upset her could be described as a totalitarian, misogynist. And yet he is the position of power ( to a certain extent) and is supposed to be looking out for people ‘under him’. How many people have to be wronged for people like that to be removed from their positions (if ever?)…. I think I should maybe calm down and have a glass of wine… it’s just another day in hell on earth. Till next time!

‘Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.’ – George Washington

Today I started thinking about friendships I have… endured in my life so far. Only one or two did manage to last more than a couple of years… and thousands of miles apart. There is one person whom I have met in secondary school that I will always remind myself of. Very fondly at that. We have met on the first day, right at the beginning of the secondary school and clicked almost instantly with each other. We enjoyed each others company… well I can say that for myself but I do hope he still feels the same! And even though we did not see each other for a few years… when I flew to see him for a weekend it was as if we had never separated. A true,unbiased, unconditional friendship. 

I look at my life now and I am surrounded by people that refer to themselves as my ‘brothers and sisters’. But the true thing is that if it were for my parents upbringing and direction when it came to a very personal things such as religion is, I would not have had the chance to have them and enjoy their addition to my life. And I do realize that I had used word ‘enjoy’ frivolously. It really saddens me, that I would loose all of my relationships had all of the people I am supposed to be intimately acquainted with…. It really is sad that those people will probably never have a chance to enjoy a true friendship with another beings. And it is such a beautiful experience and makes life so much more worthwhile…

Well… the answer to that should be easy… Because they are my parents! I believed that they did everything in their power to check all the facts before they committed themselves to what proved to be a lifestyle change. I remember walking about 2 miles to the kingdom hall twice a week to attend meetings and 1 mile once a week to attend home bible study. Those were the days. Sometimes, some ‘brothers’ would stop their car when they saw us walking and give my sister and I a lift. Then I would be surrounded by people I was to believe were my extended, spiritual family.

I believed because it was my foundation of psychological security. I felt in a way safe. I took everything said to me without question and was ready to engrave it on my mind and my heart… so to speak.

But then around the age of 15 the problems arose. Secondary school and ‘bad influence’ of school and books… Also debating helped me with noticing small cracks in the establishment of my faith.. as well as in my own faith. But it was all kept inside.

Moving quickly to more recent history, to the age of 19. I started doing something I should have been doing.. well since I was a baby… and what my parents should have done right at the begging of my life. I started questioning everything… from authority to – yes you guessed it – religion. Studying outside non jehovah’s witnesses literature definitely was an eye opener… but I am still but a babe. Learning to walk before I can run against my elders on a judicial committee and debate them on … the life depending doctrine that is still proving to be false in my opinion.

I believed… because I wholeheartedly believed it to be the ONLY TRUE religion. I believed because I had an illusion it was my choosing… my personal decision… dedication if you will… or did I believe because that is all I knew?

So… it has been a while and I am not sure if anyone is bothering with reading any of this but from this moment on I promise to post more often. So… I have decided to pursue further education. Currently looking to find some funding that would help me with acquiring A Levels in Religious Studies and Philosophy … Why those subjects? Well… Religion has always been my passion. And I always wanted to study various religions. Interestingly I was led astray from that idea being brought up as a Jehovah’s Witness. To this day I am regretting not going for it while I could have done it for practically free! But now I saving up some money and hopefully soon I will start doing A levels and then… who knows maybe University ? There is hope even for the stupid! Currently educating myself in a not-so-much-recognized-by-employers-way… through reading. More I read more I am understanding why leaders of any religion would want their … believers … to have as little education as it is legally possible. Personally I am fed up of being surrounded by window cleaners and house cleaners (not that there is anything wrong with those professions)… people with no aspirations or ambitions… So sad. And I do miss discussing on a slightly higher intellectual level than…. that was such a good talk! or… oh yes I read that verse in the bible and then used it while talking to a non believer, and then I started a bible study with him!!! It’s nothing but depressing and… brain deadening! Wish me luck! 

Today while working and listening to a debate on my ipod (Barker vs Wilson) Barker posted a very good question. Why does God allow suffering? If he is allowing it because of a reason that we do not understand, doesn’t that mean that he cares more about some abstract and unreasonable reasoning than us? Or if it is because of a dispute with Satan doesn’t that mean that he cares so much more about himself than us? Kind of depressing and shocking when you think about it. Currently am re reading Godless and preparing myself for debating with as Hitchens called them ‘self-centered christies’. Who would have thought. It is really surreal and hilarious when I think about it. Couple of years ago I was out with by ‘brothers’… all committing sins out in town (drinking!… nothing else!). Now they are ministerial servants or aiming to be ‘someone’ in their congregation… and here I am … an… atheist? Dear me… I can not even think of a label that would most accurately describe me right now. I suppose that is a good thing isn’t it? It’s always cool to be different and original! Till next time!

Cheers

haha… see what I did there? Of course I am referring to the very feared and and condemned book by an top dog, ex – JW.

So why the sudden crisis? Why am I questioning everything that I just took for granted from parents and my spiritual family?

To be honest… I am not sure if I am capable to answer that question. I am not entirely sure what made that switch in my mind. Supposing… there have always been not as much as doubts, but certain question to which answers given to me were not entirely satisfying. Questions like for example… why did dinosaurs die? what was the point of them?

I know… thinking about it it sounds absolutely ridiculous does it not? But being in a state of mind where the elders, parents, magazines and the bible are your authorities (yes… in that order) you really haven’t got much to decide for yourself and you take everything without any as much of a question. As they say ignorance is bliss. But at the age of 20 (right after my baptism) I was standing on crossroads… Do I want the truth or do I want a god? I chose the first option, and the decision was taken after a lot of thinking and contemplating. Decision was not taken lightly and slowly I am awaking from a long sleep of delusion and ignorance. I couldn’t possibly imagine that one day I will be reading books such as ‘Godless’ by Dan Barker who used to be a preist and a very firm believer, or ‘god Is Not Great’ by Christopher Hitchens… the Satan himself ! I love the ability to think for myself. I love the fact that I do not have to hate anyone. I can live and let others live their lifes according to their wants.. as long as they are within moral grounds and they do not affect me in any way.

That will do for a first post… I do apologize for being so late but … it seems that during weekends I seem to have less time that I have during the week!

Cheers!

Is anybody out there? So this is my first post. God I hate it when I read that sentence when I flick through blogs… But all things considered… this IS my first post! I figured I have to vent all of the inner voices and whispers that I and my beloved ones have to deal with. Well they have to deal with them because they are mine and for some reason they haven’t left me yet.

I have decided to write… I used to write. Always enjoyed being creative… through music… just anything really. I would even settle for a bowl of cereal. Even that would be enough to keep me occupied for hours.

It’s going to be an interesting experience. For me and hopefully for you. And that is because… through writing you can really see the bare person. You make yourself vulnerable. People can see the real you and sometimes… it is not a pretty picture. Reason for that is… we really do not want anyone to see how broken and imperfect we can be. And this is particularly because I am going to do that in front of strangers. I do hope that you enjoy what is about to come… as I am not even sure what you should be expecting….